Holy Anger in the Pews: An Open Letter to Hirelings

Dear Pastor,

We don’t know how you ended up in the pulpit. We only know what we hear from it. Whether you felt legitimately called or it’s just a nice career track, you are making your flock sick and weak.

In lieu of having any leadership to do this, let the sheep give you some pointers for preaching.

Do not insult us by getting up in the pulpit with a pop culture laden devotionalette. We don’t want to hear about the movie you saw the night before, stories from your vacation, college or NFL football analogies, quotes from Catholic mystics, Hollywood stars, M. Scott Peck or Dr. Phil.

We don’t want sermons on sex, live texting from the “audience”, 24/7 live cams from your own family reality show online, Michael Jackson Thriller dances, Circue du Soleil style acrobatic productions, hula praise dances or Christian yoga demonstrations.

Don’t have the “audience” perform hand motions to children’s songs, stage karaoke shows known as “special” music, or host motorcycle blessing ceremonies. Forget the car washes, classic car shows, balloon launches and helicopter rides. We don’t want Easter egg hunts; church-sponsored sleigh rides with Santa, Elvis impersonators or pie eating contests.

Don’t stand behind your plexiglass stands with gelled hair, open shirts to show off how “hot” you are, and torn jeans to show you are hip. We don’t care that you were a bad boy once with a history, we don’t care how hot sex is with your wife. We don’t want potty training jokes, lust jokes or jokes of any kind.

We abhor your self-indulgent, narcissistic “messages” with a little Jesus drizzled on top. We are sick to the point of vomiting with hearing about God’s love when his judgment is falling all around us. Your lukewarm, carnal ministry is making the entire congregation sick and diseased.

You are no shepherd. You are a Satanically-inspired fraud, and you are serving up poison on the installment plan. Sunday after Sunday after Sunday until the sheep under you are dying or leaving.

And for your information, we are leaving while we still can stand. Sitting at home, reading the Word of God is preferable to what you are serving up. There is an ancient phrase from Scripture that is comprised of three words, “Woe to you.” And woe to all the false shepherds, the hirelings who scatter the sheep of Christ’s flock.” – Punch Lines


The Flock

Jeremiah 23